So, I'm walking down the street, and all of a sudden, completely out of nowhere, this GIANT PRAYING MANTIS appears on the sidewalk in front of me.

I let out an extremely manly shriek of terror, and back up a few steps. It continues towards me. I turn and run. Suddenly, I stop short. I'm surrounded. It brought it's ENTIRE CREEPY PRAYING MANTIS FAMILY! And dear GOD those things reproduce like bunnies. I do what any self-respecting female would do in this situation and jump up and down, letting out small yelps every few seconds and begging passerbys to save me. The only thing stopping me from curling into the fetal position was the HOARDS OF PRAYING MANTISES (looked that one up, both mantises and mantes are acceptable) surrounding me!

A kind old man decides to try to distract the hoard with a silly dance. Just when I think it might be working, one lunges for my face. I duck, and in the process, knock down the kind old man. Oops. Story of my life. Disgusted, he leaves. With nothing to distract them, the mob attacks. I'm batting them away like a hormonal high school girl trapped in a bitch fight. One makes it past my elaborate defense system, and in slow motion, I see it coming for my eye. With no way to defend myself, I close my eyes, bracing for impact. It hits. Pain. Excruciating pain. I weep.



Ok, that story may not be 100% accurate. However, regardless of the reason, my left eye is currently swollen to approximately three times its normal size. Like this.

(btw, don't ever google "swollen eye". yuckyuckyuck.)

This, believe it or not, really fucks with your depth perception. This is the first time I have been able to look at a computer screen without getting nauseous. And I don't want to push it. So, no real entry today, thought my EPIC praying mantis narrative should be more than enough to keep you entertained for the night.

Moral of the story: Stay away from praying mantes! (Remember, either form is acceptable)

Until next time!